So here I sit at work feeling the usual uncomfortable feeling I get for having a government job. It goes against everything I believe politically. Except that my job is in defense. I do actual hands on work with the armaments for our fleet ballistic missile submarines. Someone has to drive the machines that carry the enormous missiles to the boats so they can go on patrol and ensure that no one has the stones to start an outright war with us. That someone might as well be me. After over a decade of making those patrols I do feel a tad bit entitled to the position I now have. I have the unique skill, experience, and absolute focus on work quality required to do this job. And yet there is still a smidgen of guilt over the fact that all those tax payers put the food in my kids mouths rather than me digging it out of the ground.

The angst, however, is less represented by my dependence on government employment than by the actual job I have. I am a crane operator and transportation driver. I push buttons and levers on a crane controller or shift gears in a semi truck or drive the missile transporters we use to move them from the maintenance area to the boats. It's mindless work. It requires physical skill but little mental dexterity. I feel underutilized. I am good with the documentation, and in this world the books rule. I know the requirements backwards and forwards and how to enforce compliance with them. I have a knack for looking ahead to avoid problems before they arise and a knowledge base useful for finding solutions when problems do crop up. But I am not used for these skills. I am used to not bang hundreds of thousands of pounds of explosives against things while they're dangling from the crane. It's frustrating and disheartening.

The bright spot is that a huge percentage of the civil service will retire or die before I do. My chances for a job change within the facility are high. In the mean time I have to grin and bear it until opportunity arises to lift me from this malaise. I hope I'm smart enough not to do anything stupid in the interim.